December 2009
49 posts
I’m tired but some-how functional…and even though last night was imperfect, “perfect” is still part of the word and, in this case, that’s relevant :-)
yay for friends.
Love,
Nik.
FB Conversation with Michele...gone bad.
Nikki
hey pretty lady…
6:58amMichele
hiya
6:59amNikki
r u alive beyond the screens???
7:02amNikki
:o
……
7:04amMichele is offline.
“Sometimes you need to walk alone, just to show that you can.”
– (via chuckandblairlove) (via modesty) (via coffeeandlipstick)
I miss the high from the first time I planned to run away. It’s not the same now, because I CAN. I can walk right out that door, call a cab—-walk to town, catch a bus… I could leave. I could spend all of my money on trying to get somewhere, be broke when I get there and be left to my own mind, my own resolutions, my own MEANS entirely. I could starve to death or die of exposure...
questions? Say something/anything????...
http://www.formspring.me/NikkiCole
Just want to throw a HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my friend TIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYY. Love ya kido, pretend I drove there and took you away.
It’s your day… celebrate your BEING.
*nik*
Sometimes I make promises on my word…just to avoid the obvious fate of all crazy, beautiful, reckless plans. Sometimes people promise me back & it feels like maybe, JUST MAYBE, there’s a chance it might happen. For once… maybe I’ll actually do what I wanted so badly to do all of those years ago. Then, I think of how fucking ignorant I am and I feel all of those...
I need to write. It’s one of those nights…and I’ve had countless now, I’ve reached the number where there are no more numbers and I…just want to write and it’s a familiar feeling. Stories don’t do it anymore, I’ve lost my characters and I don’t want to make them up; It’s not the same. So I have to reflect and sympathize and empathize and...
“Even when I’m dead, I’ll swim through the Earth,
like a mermaid of the soil,...”
– Jeffrey McDaniel (via milktrees) (via delicatelybruised) (via satanlovesyou) (via blacketgold) (via sanctuaryofmyheart) (via coffeeandlipstick)
“13610.) I narrate my life when I’m alone.”
– blog secret
If anybody asks,make sure and tell them that I’m the most dishonest person they’ll ever meet. I’m a god damn coward. A fucking coward and I wouldn’t know how to tell the truth if it was written on cue cards and everybody was expecting me to say it. Because it’s more comfortable being silent and just trying to avoid expectations all-together.
Found a fucking outdoor skating rink :-)
*excited beyond words*
Tonight is our christmas eve… :-)
Today I woke up with an everything bagel and veggie cream cheese as motivation- nothing less, nothing more. Think what you will about that, it was good enough. Mother was up, father was up, brother had even managed to get himself up before me.
Nine-thirty and I ate my bagel with less satisfaction then I had planned on; food isn’t as enjoyable as it used to be for me. I don’t know why....
Got re-ended on rout 17 yesterday afternoon… oy. My car is probably totaled= no transportation :-/ PLUS SIDE: Reading novels and working on some sudoku :-)
AND even though the pond only has a little bitty patch for me to ice skate on, it’s better than nothing.
MuCh LoVe To ThE pEoPlE tOdAy,
Nik :-*
ICE SKATING TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:-)
Just got back from my cousin’s wedding… was beautiful :-) Spent most of the slow dances trying to hide from a brooms man…. oy.But it was worth it to see her so happy.
much love,
Nik.
that thing that snapped? It hasn’t come back yet… I feel… aware.
http://www.formspring.me/NikkiCole →
So… I’m suppose to be studying for a final that’s in… four hours. I have to write up a portfolio for Environmental writing and I’ve had a week to do it. It’s due at 5 p.m. TONIGHT. Which means I may or may not have about two hours after my final to WORK ON IT. But… I can’t bring myself to be too down about it. Mostly because I kind of care about my...
Today. Something snapped, I fell back and now I just have the impulse to live. Like I used to. HOW THE HELL does that work? Spend years trying to get over whatever it is…then it just spontaneously snaps and you feel the fucking need to drink lemon tea and sing and dance and scream and have long, long, long conversations with your friends…. whatever, I’m not complaining. I need to...
The Last Word →
LOOOOOVED this movie…
“Oh…I had feelings: passive as I lived, little as I spoke, cold as I...”
– Villette- my favorite book of all time. Charlotte Bronte… a kindred spirit if I ever had one.
R*,
It’s been years since I last wrote. But I know that you’ll still read this and I know that you’ll still care. Is it stupid that I still write these letters to you? I have more, dozens and dozens (hundreds maybe) from over the years. They’re everywhere: in old notebooks, journals, on my school computer, on my laptop, on the type writer in my room at home. In boxes and...
Tumblr let me down today :-/ I got on…and barely anybody had posted anything. Disappointing, to say the least. I need something to think about, something to make me smile, something to motivate me… oy, but today seems to be a dead dead dead day. A very very dead day.
“I have a need to hug a catholic physiatrist :-/ Esp. one with a suicidal...”
now have a formspring---ask me anything, I'll try...
http://www.formspring.me/NikkiCole
“Stick your hands inside of my pockets, keep them warm while I’m still...”
– TEGAN AND SARA :-)
finished the fucking story... *is tired*
Pseudo- Sympathy
The snow storm outside made the heat in the dorm room over-whelming. Even the swirling yellow lights of the street lamps took courage to look at from under bland florescent lights- she felt detached. Decidedly, she threw on her thinnest coat and her sneakers before braving the whipping, frigid, waves of snow beyond the thick, steel doors in the common room.
Every night she’d...
sometimes I doubt too much or believe too...
There’s this gap. It’s been here for a while- it’s what’s keeping me from conforming completely into comfort like everybody else I sympathized with at one point or another. It’s not because I’m not religious, because I realize the mind-set would suffocate me… sure, my friends and I disagree on so many things because of it, but religion doesn’t define...
I’ve buried myself again… buried away from inspiration and laughter and sympathy. BURIED. So I’ve decided I’m going to go for a walk, to try and come up with something to write for class tomorrow. Maybe it’ll uncover something, unearth it before it’s nothing but decayed flesh and fossilized bones. I would not like to be fossilized this way, no sir. I have to...
:-/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5PwQkM0KlY
http://chasesorganicdairy.com/
:-)
After the wedding this month, I’m cutting my hair. I’m cutting it as short as I can…
And when he looks at me I know it won’t be the same. I’m not sure what I’ll look like, actually. But I know that no matter how it does come out, I’m going to have myself to deal with. Like always.
It’s about testing the god damn limits. I intend on doing just that....
Reblog if your tumblr name is after a song/lyrics...
herestoyourtemper:
(via likeneelyohara)
