I'm Nikki... I've spent 21 years existing so far..
I'm a Parks, Recreation and Tourism Major @ UMO.
I mainly post about: beauty, writing, kayaking, canoeing, camping, hiking, ladies ;-), nitty gritty truths and my lovely animals... but this is a personal blog so it is what it is.
I realize that I have this omni-present detachment from everybody and everything. I realize that, sometimes, I’ll see past myself just long enough that every interaction I had throughout my lifetime comes back to haunt me and overwhelm me and shake up my insides. But I MUST NOT keep Bridgette awake when I’m feeling this way.
I should be happy that I’m able to see past myself again. I should feel happy that I can FEEL HAPPY. For a while I was stuck in that awful mentality that makes me think of sun-heated vernal pools just before they’re sucked up and the ground cakes over. I SHOULD. I do, really, sometimes.
But, then, there are the moments of sanity when I come to the understanding that I have to get along in this world. I understand all of the sudden that I have obligations to people and that I’ve got to start planning for a future I had never entertained HAVING before (I never think much beyond the present, or I think too much and it gets unrealistic).
I’ve made steps toward re-joining humanity (the active part, the part of humanity that INTERACTS with humans): I’ve picked a major I can finish, I’ve found a job that pays more than just food, rent and vet bills, I’ve cut off my hair so I don’t have to deal with vanity, I’ve started being interested in ACTIVITIES AGAIN (roller skating, hiking, kayaking, camping and road trips)… I really really really do feel better.
But I realize there is this omni-present detachment. I must not keep Bridgette awake when all of these inevitable interactions with people/places/things comes back to haunt me… I MUST NOT KEEP BRIDGETTE AWAKE.
Love, ALWAYS,
Nik.
